If you can write a good love letter

I will elope with you.

Lately I’ve been watching

British TV dramas

Set in Victorian England

Which almost invariably

Make me cry,

How pathetic.

My horse doesn’t trust me at all

He bolts every time I ride him

And I’m starting to think

I should let him go.

Right now what I need

Is a passionate kiss,

Which would involve

Considerable groundwork:

A thorough but casual 

Display of my charms

A quick survey

Of my traumatic childhood

Finished off by one

Of my funny anecdotes,

But you don’t really exist,

Do you?