I need to move back to Europe

Soon.

Is tomorrow too soon?

Tomorrow I need to get a tooth extracted

And I have a year and a half to go

Before I’m done with school.

There must be an instructions manual

That someone forgot to give me.

I’ll never know how to be 

An American.

Everybody’s in on the joke but me,

No matter how well I speak their language

How wide everyone’s smile is.

They all seem to care

But nobody has the time,

Or the guts

To stop their

Meaningless Talk.

Silently

I carry my

Foolish

Hope

Around.

One of our cats died today,

She was black and white.

I was informed through a Facebook post

Since I live 5000 miles away.

I called my mom

And cried on skype.

I'm never home when animals

And people die,

I'm always doing something somewhere,

Except when Dado 

Went missing.

Sitting on the couch, 

Facing the terrace,

I saw something that turned out to be

His mummified body.

A life

Spent worrying

About papers due tomorrow.

Either that

Or The Horror.

He could call,

Apologize,

Admit he was wrong.

It’s a matter of time,

It ends in the ground

Regardless.

If I get to grow old

My spine will be as straight 

As it is now

Because I know how

Important

It is

To have good posture.

I will be eating what I’m eating now,

Chestnut purée from France

With a touch of vanilla

While I remember all the things

I tried to be

Since I couldn’t just be me.

I will know how deeply I failed,

Trying on a white silk dress,

Crying softly on the sofa

Of an unfamiliar room.

I could go on like this

For a couple more lines,

But I won’t. 

Fade-out,

Sentimental music.

One of those Sundays when I have a lot to do

But instead I just click on things.

I just noticed that you “liked”

My sound pieces on Soundcloud.

That was a month ago,

When you still talked to me.

Now I only hear about you

Or see you through your brother’s words.

Shut the fuck up

He says

And it’s exactly the same pitch and rhythm.

I wonder if I talk like my brother too.

It’s a rhetorical question,

Like all the questions I ask myself

When there isn’t a soul around me

-Existentially speaking-

For miles and miles.

Today I cried 

For the first time

Since the summer.

I was in my jeep,

At the laundromat,

A couple of blocks away

From where the asshole lives.

He had nothing to do with my pathetic 

Tears.

<>

Ok, he might have had SOMEthing to do with them.

But really,

I’m not used to having time to myself

It drives me insane.

What the fuck will I do when I graduate?

The other day I did something

That nobody saw,

I jumped into a moving car,

Prevented a crash.

My reflexes are good,

I might survive

In the woods.

The only reason why

I haven't cried in months

Is that I have a special cat.

He has a raccoon's tail

And fur under his paws

To protect him from the snow.

He's named after two kings.

When I come home

He falls asleep in my lap.

Oxytocin is keeping me sane

Through heartbreak,

Homesickness

And shame.

If somebody loved me

I would have to remember

To shave,

I would have to avoid

Making babies

And I would soon worry

About all those problems

That couples have.

I remember those

All too well,

And yet

This haughty solitude

Verily stinks.